Well hello and if you want to know what else is happening in 2016 other than disruptive technologies and the sharing economy, I recommend you read this. It will give you something to talk about at parties and enable you to appear fascinating and knowledgable (more than you already are, of course).
Direct from the Oracle
2016 will see the death of kale as a staple vegetable. Urgh, it’s revolting, bitter and inedible unless baked in the oven slathered in olive oil and expensive sea salt, which just makes it taste just like the ‘seaweed’ we used to get in Chinese restaurants in the eighties, but without the nice crunchy prawn toasts and lambrusco on the side.
It’s also become too expensive. More people desire it, the higher the price. Simple supply and demand economics 101. Bye-bye kale.
Pete ‘Paleo’ Evans will choose a new fad to follow. You’ll see him hooking up wth panting housewives to create party plans selling floral wheat packs. The pitch will be “help the environment with all the poor dead abandoned wheat fields that we couldn’t sell to the Chinese,” after tonnes of wheat were overstocked from everyone blindly following the grain-free paleo crusade, the validity of which I personally think is a load of old bollocks.
The Chinese barons will now buy up all of Queensland’s redundant sugar cane farms in a fire sale because we all stopped eating sugar here in Australia and the farmers are broke (see above). Those sassy barons will buy because they need raw materials (ethanol) for their power stations, sugar for their jelly beans which they’ll sell back to us in buckets in KMart (true dat), and somewhere to park the money they harvested from the sale of the Juangching power stations gifted to them by the state and dumped on the HKSE in shell companies with capital released through wondrous and complex margin lending schemes dreamed up by American bankers.
I made that up. Or did I?
Russell continues to be a knobache
Ethanol, a by-product of sugar, will fuel our cars at least in part, between the long-term switch from petrol to rechargeable lithium batteries.
Someone still needs to work out how to stop lithium batteries blowing up; see the latest news reports on S
wegways, I mean hoverboards, and Russell Crowe’s latest twitter hissy fit because Virgin Australia refused to carry his kids’ boards onboard when he didn’t read in the small print that they contain explodable, rechargeable LITHIUM BATTERIES, RUSSELL, so until science finds a way to make lithium less flammable and less likely to explode in mid air, or mid freeway, petrol and ethanol are the go, and we’ll still have war in the Middle East and East of the Urals over oil. Oh Russell, you diva, you. *knobache.*
Ridiculous @VirginAustralia. No Segway boards as luggage? Too late to tell us at airport.Kids and I offloaded. Goodbye Virgin. Never again.
— Russell Crowe (@russellcrowe) December 29, 2015
Elon, Matt or George?
Vanity Fair will start a centrefold series called Thinking Women’s Nerds. Elon Musk will be the first poster boy and he will agree to pose in order to promote his Tesla home battery wall which goes on sale in the wider world imminently. Russell did not get a guernsey and is still waiting for the call.
Matt Damon will finally return from Mars as a rescuer and all round good guy this time in the new Jason Bourne Movie. Women will once again debate whether Matt or George is hotter. I’m in the Matt camp, myself. It’s ok Mrs Hughes, you’re welcome to George, if you can prise him away from Amal.
Bankers will finally stop kidding themselves they can be wannabe miners and setting up little shell companies, buying a drill and trying to get rich quick in Mozambique, with the deep dark dawning of realisation they really don’t have enough money, connections, scale or influence on the price of resources to make a decent living out of it. Lots of little mining companies will shut up shop. BHP and RIO will win after having controlled the price and supply of resources to squeeze them out.
Fund that Instagram lifestyle habit with debt
People will keep borrowing more money than they can afford and banks will keep lending it to them because they’re all shitting themselves about the competition from the smaller independent sector now they’ve woken up and realised what’s going on. Despite the claims of strict lending criteria.
Small lenders will pop up everywhere. Buyer beware, read the small print, very, very carefully or risk getting rolled over. Sigh, haven’t we been here before?
Chocolate brownies with raspberries will be a thing.
And as for You, Dear One? You will be even more utterly irresistible than you were in 2016 and I’m going to help you, starting tomorrow. Go get ’em Tiger.
You heard it here first
Disclaimer: you know this all all just conjecture and opinion don’t you? You won’t be silly enough to buy chocolate brownie futures or make any other profound investment decisions based on my wild rantings will you?
Go find someone who’s paid to give good advice if you want to be sure. Ok? Or ask me who can help you and I’ll find you someone. Relax Ursula, legal eagle at http://legalvision.com.au, as you were.