Cricket Mums – rarer than lesser-spotted teen boys hand washing dishes.
Following 6 types of cricket Dad, I present to you Part Two, The six types of cricket Mum.
Over my dead body mum: this mum is rarely seen. She’d rather poke her eyes out with a wasabi chopstick than spend the day at a junior cricket match. You’ll find her having a mani-pedi and reading New Idea on the lounger. Cricket is a Dad thing.
Have to be in three places at once Mum: Usually found behind the wheel of the family wagon at assorted city traffic lights, surrounded by a sea of empty coffee cups, stale sports socks and empty Bakers Delight bags. Knows every sports ground in the city and whether there’s a decent cafe nearby. Can cite netball rules about as well as cricket rules. Can’t wait until wine o’clock.
Talky Mum: Thinks cricket is kinda soporific but it gives her a chance to catch up with her friends on a Saturday. Will make several unsolicited trips to the nearest cafe for lattes and muffins or even better, despatches well trained, quiet, friendly cricket Dad to do the trip for her. Usually part of the senior PTA cohort and prides herself on organising events, after match BBQ’s and has been known to turn up with champagne. Laughs loudly, often snorts through her nose.
Veteran Badass Cricket Mum: Like umpire Dad, she probably has older boys and has done this all before some 2-300 times. Hunts down Vanish stain remover on special at Coles like Buffy the Vampire slayer, because even though this is 2015, she still does the vast majority of the house laundry and pink boxed Vanish (formerly known as Napisan) IS the only thing that cleans cricket whites.
VBCM occasionally despatches her own spawn onto the oval with dirty whites as a self-deprecating exercise, because she’s told them that many times, if they’re not in the basket they don’t get washed. They still don’t get it and never will. Cares not a flying cahuna if Talky Mum says anything disapproving about his non-pristine pants.
Drinks a lot of coffee and wine, it’s what’s got her this far and she’s not stopping now.
Single I have no choice Mum: This cohort deserves the most support since as a single mum she wants to do the right thing for her son, but frankly would rather be anywhere but here in this godforsaken oval for at least half, if not the entire Saturday. Show her some love when you see her, go get her a coffee and give her a hug.
Scorer Mum: More of an introvert with outstanding attention to detail and rules. Has studied the cricket scoring methodology at length and would rather be sat quietly under the umbrella with Scorer Dad than drinking coffee with the only other two Mums who turned up.
Go Mums! Which Mum are you?